Loved

So as a woman, I go through these spurts of complete happiness and amazement in myself and what I can do and then other days I wonder if I even matter at all. I have these struggles of trying to be more spiritual, trying to be a better mom and wife, the constant struggle to lose weight, and the struggle of trying to be everything to everyone. Well, yesterday was one of those days where I just didn't think I could do any of it anymore. Nothing really went wrong, I just wasn't myself.

So this morning as I was trying to have an optimistic day, I prayed that Heavenly Father would help me find "me". I just wanted to look on today as a new day, one with the Spirit, that would help me find the good.

I had just that...I got the kids ready, put all other things on hold and went with a close friend of mine and her son with my kids to a bouncy house place. I had great conversation with my friend, who I just think is amazing. Then I just played with my kids, I didn't think about what was next, I didn't take pictures, I just played and it was great.

When we got back, I took the kids to their cousins house. I had a great visit with another amazing friend (cousin) and the kids were so good and had so much fun.

As I drove home, this is going to sound weird, but I was listening to the group, "The Killers". They have a song, "Are we human or are we dancers". The sun was shining and it was a gorgeous day for the 4th day in a row. The kids were asleep in the back and I didn't feel like going to our house. All of a sudden I had an overwhelming sense of love come over me. I just started crying and kept driving listening to the same song over and over. I drove down by Lincoln Park and proceeded to go around the Alki peninsula to the other side where the city was. It was an absolutely gorgeous afternoon.

I don't know why I listened to that particular song, because the words are a bit confusing....but to me they meant something more. I feel that I become way too "human" in this world and just caught up in all the "stuff" that I forget that I am something more in Heavenly Father's eyes. So I thought to myself, am I just human or am I Heavenly Father's little girl who can become a dancer? Now this probably sounds rediculous and I don't blame you if you think I am crazy but I just cried thinking of all the ways Heavenly Father has helped me "dance". I am so blessed and so loved and I can do it, maybe not all of it but I can do it.

As I drove, I felt like "me" for the first time in a long time. At home in Montana I used to go for drives. You could drive forever just see the beauty around you and listen to your favorite song and let everything go. I haven't gotten to drive like that in a long time, in fact the last time was about 5 1/2 years ago when I took Chris on one of my drives on the farm and we drove that drive everyday that we were there. Well, today, Seattle didn't feel like Seattle. I was in my own world driving and seeing the beauty and listening to a good song and taking it all in and of everything we have been blessed with and feeling the love Heavenly Father has for us and that he knows me personally. He knows me.....and he knows what I needed and he let me have that...I am loved...and I will dance....

A few photos of my drive...